The Bluff

 I am up against the ropes now, you know when i was young i didnt think i will be where i am today, where I'm doing good but I'm not you know that feeling when you know you not doing good but you doing better and somehow that doesn't seem to be enough. You know well let me break it down

He took a sip of that chardonnay that is almost half empty slowly puts it down. 

“met a lot of girls in my life dated a few of those and loved fewer, romantised a forever with those whom I've loved but still here i am wondering have i met her and got so frightened so much i didn't commit or is it just that they weren't HER. Today it's valentines day not really a fan of this idea of loving my better half better on this day just doesn't make no sense to me, see my idea of love is rather crazy because i want a lady to love me just for me be my safe haven and understand sometimes we might love each other and not like each other as much.”

Takes another sip and breathes a little bit 

“but I'm ready now well i think I'm ready to commit, you know what's funny never really knew what it's like to stay with a woman get frustrated by her domestic habits and just lay next to her after a long day at work and feel completely at home. all those feeling of love,hate, frustrations,and fear striking all at once fearing to lose her and the thought of having her breathing down my neck irritating me and loving her and not liking her just the entire process of getting to know what my life will be like for the next coming  years, to think about a person so much it's overwhelmingly hard to imagine i just hope my better half isn't one of those girls i dated and lost them because all my relationships end in distant we stay so far apart that eventually we grow apart, the world is a crazy place man it's scary to love a person now and fully commit to loving them and building a future with them when all they think about is what they gonna do when we dont work out. But let me try it one more time i got a bad hand though it's either i bluff myself through it or just fold and wait for the next round but actually i just fear to be so inlove that it changes who i am.