not a monologue

 i loved her for three years straight, ever since i saw her in that hospital room, smiling, she looked like she was never meant to see sadness let alone feel it, or pain, then and there i wanted to take every single moment of pain she ever had and just consume it, or let it consume me, just to see her smiling all the time, i wanted her to be strong, capable of outshining everything because i knew she had it in her, i wanted her to come on top in everything she wanted to achieve, i saw how fragile she was, how she pretended to be strong most of the time but being tender beneath that self-imposed shell of the carefree type, so i tried, everything, to make her see what she really was, i wanted her to see herself from my eyes and at some point i started waking up in the morning just to see her, because i forgot everything that was going around me, i loved her, until she was on her feet again, she found strength and used it on me, she took me to my knees when she stood strong and saw that she no longer had use for me, and there i was looking up and seeing her fall slowly out of love for me, she gained cruelty and confidence and she found me Infront of her and took every piece of me, shrugged every time i tried to remind her that i loved her...now I'm alone, again, and this time, without even me.